Thought sparked based on watching the video below. Conclusion. I consist of of dark ice girl.
I have many masks myself. Secret parts of me even I don’t know nor understand. I feel so helpless against it. ..and ashamed. I’ve worked all my life to create a self that wasn’t real, and me I thought that could be acceptable to other people. but I don’t even know who I am anymore, and I dare wonder if I ever did. The truth of who I am was always just too grim to bare. The tragedy of my life too great. We all want to act like this life isn’t actually happening, but it is. It really is. and our culture is addicted to the lies and cover-ups and I am not exception. I just wish life were different is all. I wish.. I wish I had the courage to accept who I am, but I don’t. I’m still living a pretty lie, an ever adjusted lie to fit the new life I’m living, but still a lie at that. Life coach is just another lie. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know anything.
Comment on a video I watched on covert narcissism (video at end)
K let’s see.. I have narcissistic symptoms.. and I feel like a lot of covert as well. But it’s not like we aren’t people to. Maybe we feel we have a need to express ourselves in the way we do. Maybe we feel like we have a need to be dramatic and scream. and I get it, it’s not good to put it on other people, but I don’t want to be shamed because I have a dramatic expression of emotion and pain. That is my right. All of my expressions is my right. No one has to participate in my expression, but they can’t and have no right to shame me. That’s why the blog idea is so good. No one is forced to read my blog, hell i don’t even use tags. I do wanna scream and cry. I do need and want attention, there’s zero shame in needing attention, it’s a human need. and it makes me feel better when i express myself. and i don’t want to be shamed.
Thought I have sparked by a video I was watching to learn more about the effects of narcissistic abuse. Today I had some terrifying revelations..
I’m like terrified right now. I was doing some healing work and it hit me.. it all hit me at once.. that who I thought I was and what I thought about my life wasn’t true. Shortly after my first narcissist threw me away, I developed traumatic amnesia. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and I found myself unsure of anything anymore. But.. I still had the seeds of isolation and lies my narcissist had given me, shaped me into. So.. losing my memories just made me totally fucked. Within a short amount of time, I went from a independent relatively happy girl, to almost dying and having my identity smashed and reconstructed into being a slave to a narcissist.
A comment I made on his video. (his reply at end)
If anyone else can answer and has any ideas, that’d be great.
While doing an energy healing on myself, I saw myself laying on a table being healed by angels, and I was in a lot of pain. and from my heart was streaming out what looks like galaxys, and the angels were trying to hold me down as they healed me and they said “Your a void creator(maker?), We wont judge you”.