Indigo life

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Dark ice girl.

Thought sparked based on watching the video below. Conclusion. I consist of of dark ice girl.

       I have many masks myself. Secret parts of me even I don’t know nor understand. I feel so helpless against it. ..and ashamed. I’ve worked all my life to create a self that wasn’t real, and me I thought that could be acceptable to other people. but I don’t even know who I am anymore, and I dare wonder if I ever did. The truth of who I am was always just too grim to bare. The tragedy of my life too great. We all want to act like this life isn’t actually happening, but it is. It really is. and our culture is addicted to the lies and cover-ups and I am not exception. I just wish life were different is all. I wish.. I wish I had the courage to accept who I am, but I don’t. I’m still living a pretty lie, an ever adjusted lie to fit the new life I’m living, but still a lie at that. Life coach is just another lie. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know anything.

 

Narcissists are people too.

Comment on a video I watched on covert narcissism (video at end)

      K let’s see.. I have narcissistic symptoms.. and I feel like a lot of covert as well. But it’s not like we aren’t people to. Maybe we feel we have a need to express ourselves in the way we do. Maybe we feel like we have a need to be dramatic and scream. and I get it, it’s not good to put it on other people, but I don’t want to be shamed because I have a dramatic expression of emotion and pain. That is my right. All of my expressions is my right. No one has to participate in my expression, but they can’t and have no right to shame me. That’s why the blog idea is so good. No one is forced to read my blog, hell i don’t even use tags. I do wanna scream and cry. I do need and want attention, there’s zero shame in needing attention, it’s a human need. and it makes me feel better when i express myself. and i don’t want to be shamed.

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Realization of being nacissistically abused

Thought I have sparked by a video I was watching to learn more about the effects of narcissistic abuse. Today I had some terrifying revelations.. 

I’m like terrified right now. I was doing some healing work and it hit me.. it all hit me at once.. that who I thought I was and what I thought about my life wasn’t true. Shortly after my first narcissist threw me away, I developed traumatic amnesia. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and I found myself unsure of anything anymore. But.. I still had the seeds of isolation and lies my narcissist had given me, shaped me into. So.. losing my memories just made me totally fucked. Within a short amount of time, I went from a independent relatively happy girl, to almost dying and having my identity smashed and reconstructed into being a slave to a narcissist.

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My vision: Void creator

 

This is painful for me to talk about, so I left out many details and retold what happened before hand, at the end. 
I was doing a self energy healing, and while I was doing it I saw myself being healed by angels or you can call them pleadians. I was laying on a table and they were helping me clear my blocked energies. I had an intense physical pain in my chest, and the part I don’t understand is: They suddenly said to me “Your a void creator, we wont judge you” as a huge vortex of energy came out of my heart and spiraled upward, it looked like a galaxy. 
After that large release of energy I felt a lot better and my chest no longer had such tremendous pressure anymore. And since then, in my clairvoyance now I see what looks like a black and purple galaxy around me all the time, and vortxes, mostly coming from my hands or in front of me if I look outwards. It wasn’t like this beforehand. I simply saw what ever I did, but now it’s like I’m floating in space. I feel like I have a tons more creative power but It’s got me worried.. I feel exponentially more powerful but it’s frightening. It feels like a lot to take in. I was already doing my best to try to adjust to my abilities, but this hit me out of nowhere.
There’s some details I’m too scared to tell people actually.. I did the healing to try and heal my inner blocks and problems, my problem was I was disconnected from the universe as a whole, and I had problems recieving and my divine femanine energy was all blocked. and so when I did the healing, before I even got to the table with the angels/pleaians, it was like monsters where tearing out of where me heart was, as if I was a monster, and it did this for many layers until I rose up more and more.. and when I did get to a higher relm for my healing, all that was left of me was like a slab of clay, and they had to chizzle out a structure for my light/astral body again, and it’s after I finally had a form, that they started to heal me and the galaxy energy streamed from my chest. and they said I was a void creator. I’m worried they said they’d not judge me, as if a void creator was weird or bad??

Help me :( What is a void creator/maker?

A comment I made on his video. (his reply at end)

If anyone else can answer and has any ideas, that’d be great.

While doing an energy healing on myself, I saw myself laying on a table being healed by angels, and I was in a lot of pain. and from my heart was streaming out what looks like galaxys, and the angels were trying to hold me down as they healed me and they said “Your a void creator(maker?), We wont judge you”.

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