The lost years of my life.

                          My thoughts/comment from watching a video. (video at end)      

        I’m 28 years old and I have no idea what is going on. I have so much amnesia and trauma that I couldn’t map my life out if you paid me. I’m going through some painful changes myself. Healing from trauma isn’t easy, it’s like being ripped out from the inside. My level of trauma causes me to be unsure of who I am anymore. I just don’t know.

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Narcissists are people too.

Comment on a video I watched on covert narcissism (video at end)

      K let’s see.. I have narcissistic symptoms.. and I feel like a lot of covert as well. But it’s not like we aren’t people to. Maybe we feel we have a need to express ourselves in the way we do. Maybe we feel like we have a need to be dramatic and scream. and I get it, it’s not good to put it on other people, but I don’t want to be shamed because I have a dramatic expression of emotion and pain. That is my right. All of my expressions is my right. No one has to participate in my expression, but they can’t and have no right to shame me. That’s why the blog idea is so good. No one is forced to read my blog, hell i don’t even use tags. I do wanna scream and cry. I do need and want attention, there’s zero shame in needing attention, it’s a human need. and it makes me feel better when i express myself. and i don’t want to be shamed.

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Realization of being nacissistically abused

Thought I have sparked by a video I was watching to learn more about the effects of narcissistic abuse. Today I had some terrifying revelations.. 

I’m like terrified right now. I was doing some healing work and it hit me.. it all hit me at once.. that who I thought I was and what I thought about my life wasn’t true. Shortly after my first narcissist threw me away, I developed traumatic amnesia. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and I found myself unsure of anything anymore. But.. I still had the seeds of isolation and lies my narcissist had given me, shaped me into. So.. losing my memories just made me totally fucked. Within a short amount of time, I went from a independent relatively happy girl, to almost dying and having my identity smashed and reconstructed into being a slave to a narcissist.

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The gift of writing.

OK OK! I’ll write something!! But let me just say, I DON’T WANT TO!! lol

The universe is so fucking bossy xD

You ever get that feeling of something your SUPPOSED to do, and you just don’t WANT TO? YEAAAAAAAAAAA thats how I feel .-.

So what if I’m too lazy to write? What ='(?

Writing and making videos really are two very different things. Even though you would think it’s the same expression from the same person, it really isn’t.

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Everyone needs love

I don’t care if you are a normal person, sociopath, narcissist or serial killer, we all need love. I don’t believe bad people exist, I just feel some people are hurting more than others. and when we hurt really bad for long enough, sometimes we can’t feel emotion anymore or respect life. No bad people, just hurting people.