Thoughts on me being a vampire

Response/thoughts from watching a video. (video at end)       

       I can’t believe how good this video is. Normally people are very cruel to us. They act like there is something wrong with us and we just aren’t good enough or spiritual enough.

 I really honor how respectful you are in this video, it means a lot to me.

       Honestly at start I was worried you didn’t know what you were talking about, but now I see you do. It was very wise of you to tell us to call back our own energy, I had never thought about that in my life.

       Looking back I have given my energy away to other people, I have been made responsible for other people, my parents when i was a child and growing up. My mother is a really terrible emotional vampire, she’s always really hurt me a lot.

       The thing that almost threw me off was that you are talking about en energy vampire not truly a psychic vampire, and much less a blood drinking vampire. I am a psychic vampire…… or well.. I do also crave human blood, see nothing here is explaining that to me. But in a more realistic sense, your video fills in a lot of gaps in my knowledge, things I didn’t understand. I’ve had my energy taken from me to a severe degree. It’s not wonder why I turned out to be a vampire when my parents were stealing all my energy. My father also sexually abused me when I was 4 years old and younger.

       I didn’t really have a chance in hell in this life. People had been using me and taking the little energy I had ever since I was a baby.

       But I feel I can understand more about how my energy was taken from me. I used to be very co-dependent too. I remember wanting to take other people’s problems on as my own, wanting to carry it for them because I didn’t want them to have to suffer as they did. but I was wrong to do that, and I feel I may have harmed myself energetically more than I realized. I thought it was an act of love, but it wasn’t, that’s not how things work.

       I grew up Christian so the concept of being self-less and a good person was something that was instilled in me, besides being abused since I was born and groomed to be co-dependent and not rebel against an abuser.

       Strange how I feel so many things are coming full circle for me now. Actually in my clairvoyance and clairsentience I have seen and felt myself bleeding to death, my chest is gravely wounded. Depending on if I connect to the energy or not I can feel it physically, as if I Was bleeding to death, and my body wants to start convulsing from the pain and loss of blood. To my brain it’s no different than me physically being fatally wounded. My health is in shambles, has been in shambles. I’ve worked years to try and heal myself and I’ve made strides, but I am still bleeding. For some context, 5 years ago when I got sick, the image was me on the floor bleeding, beaten, barelly alive and spent for all I am worth, I have to say that it counts for something if I’ve healed myself enough to it just is bleeding out my chest.

       Even now I can feel the pain, taste the blood. I take no pleasure in bleeding to death, even if I am known as a blood drinker vampire (never physically drank human blood though). It’s a paradox I suppose. But I was always deathly afraid of blood, but 5 years ago I started to crave it. I started to become mesmerized my blood… while also intensely fearing it. at that time I had low blood sugar, I had taken a medication I didn’t need, that didn’t help me… which caused me low blood sugar and then i couldn’t eat either it was so bad, having so many panic attacks. and back then I had my period for 3 months straight, major bleeding. I had PCOS, the medicine was supposed to help the PCOS. So.. loss of blood, low blood sugar.. unable to eat.. it’s really no wonder why I become or awakened as a vampire. It goes deeper than you know, than anyone knows. I was able to feel my fangs energetically. And that was even BEFORE I learned that I was an energy user/psychic/empath etc etc.. So I seriously had no fucking clue what was happening. The blood I did take in was via written role-play. It was where I’d imagine drinking the blood of another willing party and we’d communicate this through text chat. Again, I didn’t know what was going on, I just knew it made me feel better. I was physically dying. I wonder how much the energetic blood helped me survive. I was spent for every ounce of my being, and there were people who helped me survive, I am grateful to them.

       So as you can see.. this is a deep topic for me, it’s no simple thing. It was a matter of life and death. I could have died. Low blood sugar, unable to eat.. having such horrific panic attacks constantly.. I had nothing left. I was as good as a wrathe. and yet.. even so.. I still wanted to take on their pain as my own, I still professed to love them, even though I was physically dying.

       I do not believe I am evil, I believe I am wounded. I do not believe I had no love for others nor just wanted their energy, my actions showed differently.

       But in everything I do see how taking back my own energy will help me. Though I have this feeling it’s not the end for me as a vampire. I believe there’s something much more for me than simply a lack of energy.

 

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