Comment on a video I watched on covert narcissism (video at end)
K let’s see.. I have narcissistic symptoms.. and I feel like a lot of covert as well. But it’s not like we aren’t people to. Maybe we feel we have a need to express ourselves in the way we do. Maybe we feel like we have a need to be dramatic and scream. and I get it, it’s not good to put it on other people, but I don’t want to be shamed because I have a dramatic expression of emotion and pain. That is my right. All of my expressions is my right. No one has to participate in my expression, but they can’t and have no right to shame me. That’s why the blog idea is so good. No one is forced to read my blog, hell i don’t even use tags. I do wanna scream and cry. I do need and want attention, there’s zero shame in needing attention, it’s a human need. and it makes me feel better when i express myself. and i don’t want to be shamed.
I don’t appreciate being shamed at all. Dealing with having symptoms of covert narcissism or narcissism is fucking difficult! It’s not fucking easy at ALL. So fucking seriously, I can imagine people being defensive, we are dealing with trauma. Honestly I just prefer for people to leave me the fuck alone. I guess my problem is feeling judged. If people say my problems are hurting them, fine, leave, that’s ok. and I’m more thinking of how things were before I got sick, before I ran into a narcissist myself. I was fucked in a hand bag with all my issues then. I couldn’t have known what i was doing nor gained awareness due to the sheer amount of trauma and mountain of things. My actions were more or less numbness or an ego – defense, I was in survival or something. No one can say it’s sunshine daisys, and people just act like this because it’s fun. I don’t really see the empathy here.
It makes me angry and it hurts a lot. People wanna walk around shaming narcissists, but they don’t have a shred of empathy of how difficult it is, how we are ALSO dealing with being abused.
I’m trying to work through my issues, and I have no video, it’s fucking DEVASTATING!!! I don’t APPRECIATE BEING SHAMED!! I wont be ashamed for having problems!! I WONT!! There’s no need to add shame. That doesn’t promote healing.
I think narcissistic people is no different than any other response to trauma. There’s a reason why people are in denial, a reason they are numb, or manipulate, or want attention, or are depressed or dramatic. Humans beings are that of cause and affect. There’s no shame in being in denial, that function and ego-defense is there for a REASON. I’m not saying this stuff is good, I’m saying it’s how the brain works and responds to trauma.
Sighs T_T I need to think.. (i’m listening to the video as I’m typing..)
I get it, red flags are important, and blind narcissistic people are dangerous. I can’t say my behaviors are good nor healthy, because their not. and I don’t want anyone to be hurt by my unhealed wounds or anyone to be hurt by other people. but i do know for the sake of healing, and working through my problems, empathy is needed, empathy from people. Well people are kinda shit.. so I guess I need to give empathy to myself. but what I mean is.. I feel that making a video giving empathy to narcissists is important. Or maybe people just have a widespread feeling that narcissists can’t heal, thus not giving a fuck or thinking we aren’t worthy of love, but that’s just isn’t true. It’s not fair that we get labeled and other people get to be the victim because our symptoms of abuse developed into a different way than other people.
I just feel there’s a huge degree of discrimination towards narcissistic people. It’s interesting that you talk it about being shame based, I’m unsure if you have any fucking idea how bad it is for us. I know all of this first hand, I’ve felt it in my own fucking body!! I live this SHIT! I’ve dug through my fucking psychie, experience unthinkable things to work towards healing. People seriously underestimate the force of shame and vulnerability, it’s beyond traumatic and it’s strong enough to kill a human being. I know this because I’ve LIVED this, and I’ve almost DIED as well!! and I’m sorry that people suffer from our dysfunction and that sucks, it truly does, but please don’t sit there and act like we weren’t abused and destroyed inside probably by our fucking MOTHERS to the degree we didn’t know how to connect to people anymore having insecure bonds with our mothers as a BABY!!! So fuck this shit, fuck it ALL!!
I’m not saying anyone is innocent here. I’ve suffered from narcissistic abuse before, I don’t think anything I’ve done holds a candle to the degree I’ve been abused, but I wouldn’t know. But people can’t sit here and demonize narcissists, no. We didn’t get the way we were by sitting on our fucking ass, we got to be the way we are because in most cases we were betrayed by the one person who was supposed to LOVE US!! So I’m pissed that everyone else is bitching about things like they are the only one in PAIN!! and i GET IT!! your hurting!! you HATE US!! I GET IT!! IVE BEEN ABUSED TOOO!!!!!!! I FUCKING GET WHAT ITS LIKE TO JUDGE PEOPLE!!!!!! But we can’t live like this!! it can’t be us vs them!! we ARE HUMAN BEINGS!!!!!!!
When it comes down to it, we are HURT….. so hurt.. we are broken inside. and I don’t think people understand the basics of how a narcissist is formed, and if you wonder, please ask me I will tell you. If you wonder, just google ego-defenses, that should help you. A narcissist is a child who so serverely abused that they can’t function anymore and everyday is about trying to survive from the brokeness they are inside, and so many of us can’t feel anymore and are in denial all our lives and we can act self-rightous and wanna be perfect cuz we can’t bare to think of a world where we fuck up because it hurts too much!! because then we feel worthless and have black and white thinking and are tormented all the time!! and if you don’t understand, GOOD!! I HOPE YOU NEVER GET IN THE CIRCUMSTANCE WHERE YOU DOO!!!!!!!!!!
and that’s why I’M the fucking LIFE COACH, AND YOUR NOT!! (speaking to a reader who isnt a life coach lol) WHY?????? cuz it’s my fucking JOB!! It’s my fucking JOB to understand!! It’s mu JOB to figure it all out!! It’s my JOBBBBBBBBBBBBBB to figure out how the brain processes things and how narcissists are made. and why is this my job? am I getting paid? NO!! no fucking money here!! So why do i do it?? cuz I’m a life coach even if people don’t pay me. and i fucking LOVE YOU, even if i have narcissistic traits!! I love you enough to dive into my own fucking psychie and work out my terrors and trauma!! and it’s not EASY!!! and i have over 400 videos of me working through my issues (300+ on old channel, link available on my channel). I don’t have all the answers, and I’m not totally healed, but I’ve come a long way!! and I’m proud of myself!! and no one else has to believe in me! no one has to help me!! cuz honestly NO ONE EVER DID!!!! but it doesn’t MATTER!!!!! I’m not asking anything of anyone. I’ve learned a long time ago i have to love myself, validate myself cuz no1 in this fucking world would!!
So I have no problem doing things alone, I’m fucking USED TO IT!! and no matter if people judge me or what they say, you can’t hurt me beyond how much I’ve already been hurt!! My own MOTHER couldn’t love me, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?!??! but even so.. I will learn to love my mother. I will work everything out. because I have a DREAM!!!!…… a dream of becoming a successful life coach, even if that means i don’t make a penny my entire life. because i have love… i have love for people.. i have love for mankind.. and even if i don’t always feel that love and even when i’m blocked from it.. even when i’m being a stupid narcissist.. I will always be moved by love.
An after thought from what I said above. (super mad.. lol)
People can fucking shame me all day and all night. But I will not stray from my path. People who shame are not better than the people they targeting. You are not better than me. It’s crazy how people play victim. and sure, I get it, people are hurt, but they quickly become a bully themselves, and then play the innocent card too. How the fuck is THAT not narcissistic?? I’m starting to think this WHOLE THING is a lot of BULLSHIT. Fuck victims. It’s fucking easy to point the finger. and It’s not like I don’t UNDERSTAND what it’s like to be a victim or how fun it is to blame the people who hurt us, but it doesn’t make us innocent, we need to look at our own fucking self or we will never be free. We aren’t innocent. Just cuz your hurt doesn’t mean you get to do what ever the fuck you want. So fuck everyone. Not many respectable people around here. Cuz everyone’s here to point a finger, and i get it! It makes you FEEL better…………. but it’s not HELPING YOU!!!!!!! and me someone who struggles with narcissism, it’s REALLY not helping me!! Having a jillion people judge the shit out of you SUCKS!! I seriously don’t think yall want us to heal at all. and i get it.. your angry.. i seriously get it.. but dam.. i guess there’s no empathy left in this feild. The people hurt by a narcissist are becoming one, but then again, act like they AREN’T!! least I have the fucking GUTS TO ADMIT WHEN I’M WRONG!!!!!!!! and yea i know it’s not EASY!!!! i don’t cry and have my body convulse in pain cuz it’s EASY!!!!!!!!!! it’s not!!!!!! but i wish other people gave some more fucks to go the distance!!!! No one is innocent here!! and it’s one big pool of MESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where’s NO ONE is responsible!!! and the very act you don’t want to continue, YOUR ENABLING!!!!!! If SHAME is the problem, STOP FUCKING SHAMING US!!!!!!!! GOD FUCKING DAMN PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! unless you just don’t CARE, and many of you DON’T!! WHICH IS IRONIC SINCE YOU COMPLAIN THAT WE LACK EMPATHY WHEN YOU ARE GUILTY OF THE SAME FUCKING THING!!!!!!!!!!!!! ACK!! I don’t even think there’s like SIDES here anymore!!!!! It’s all the SAME THING!! this is all the SAME COIN!!!!!!!!! You have victims lacking empathy and acting like narcissists, and then you have narcissists acting like victims!! GAH!! FUCK ALL OF YOU!! IM OUT!!!!!!!